


Shift and Reverse

by cyndario



Series: Shudun Ryder | Seasons Change [3]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, Panic Attacks, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 08:34:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14077017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyndario/pseuds/cyndario
Summary: Ryder returns after Voeld.





	Shift and Reverse

“Back again. How have you been since we last spoke?”

 

“Three hours ago? Good. Relaxing a bit, just like you recommended.” Shudun snipped, arms crossed in her lap.

 

“No, Ryder, I mean a _month_ ago. You’ve been planetside on Voeld for nearly all that time. Is there anything you've seen or experienced you want to get off your chest?”

 

Shudun’s nose scrunched up slightly, her lips forming a slight pout as she did. Shifting her glance from her fingers back onto Lexi, Shudun curtly shrugged her shoulders.

 

“I read the field report. You were in a kett exaltation facility.” Lexi began, and almost immediately Shudun tensed up.

 

“And unfortunately didn't burn that shit to the ground.” She muttered angrily, shifting her gaze on the monitors around med-bay.

 

“But you saved a lot of lives by choosing the path you did, Ryder.”

 

“Save it. I spared the facility only because Jaal begged me to. I still shot that fucking ‘Cardinal’ in the face.”

 

“And did you feel better afterwards?” Lexi challenged, her face and tone neutral.

 

“Are you tryna make me feel bad? Moshae said she deserved worse.” Shudun scoffed as she crossed her arms over her chest, squaring her shoulders.

 

“So you're glad that she's dead.” Lexi states, her face impassive. Shudun was getting more frustrated by the second.

 

“I ain't say that. Stop twisting shit.” Shudun hissed. Lexi released a sigh as she joined her hands before her on her lap.

 

“Ryder, I have to believe that if you don't regret killing the Cardinal then you enjoyed it. Either way, you need to acknowledge—”

 

“I acknowledge what the _kett_ did!” Shudun roared, rising to her feet. Carding her fingers through her hair she grit her teeth as she tried to control her anger. Pacing before the door, she counted to ten before she attempted to speak again. “I saw them turn an Angaran into one of them. I watched Jaal break down and cry for that _same man_ because he was forced to kill him moments later.”

 

“Jaal’s reaction troubled you.”

 

“It would have messed anybody up, Lexi. Then the Cardinal had the _nerve_ to ask me if I would spare that ‘house of worship’. Wasn't nothing holy ‘bout that place.” Shudun shuddered, digging her fingers into the skin of her neck.

 

None of her centering techniques were working. Why weren't they _working_?

 

“She desecrated the aspect of religion in your eyes.” Lexi supplied softly, and Shudun was silent as she pressed her forehead on the cool metal of the door.

 

“She and the kett did a lot of shit. But this was the icing on the fuckin cake.” Shudun was going back to that place and she kept seeing the images of that Angaran man being turned the fear in his eyes the pain in his cry as he was transformed into that _thing—_

 

“Ryder, please come sit down.”

 

“I feel much better right here, doc.”

 

“Ryder, please.”

 

“Lexi. I don't wanna talk about this anymore can I just _go_?” She asked, her voice breaking. Lexi’s eyes widened at the sound of her distress, resisting the urge to encroach on her space. Looking down at her omni-tool she was never more glad that time was up.

 

“Ryder. It's alright—our session just ended.” The words had barely been given time to resonate before Shudun was rushing out the door, head down. Lexi heard the door to her quarters shut and the lock engage, that beep leaving a hollow ringing in her ears.

 

Dammit.


End file.
